SAHM v/s WM

I was in a unique position during the first year of my son's life in that I've had the chance to be both a Stay at Home mom (SAHM) and a Working Mother (WM). I don't sit in one camp or another because I am, and was, both, and its equally hard.

Working for yourself you can pick and choose your hours, work as little or as much as you like. I did this in the first few months of new motherhood and being able to take the time to get to know my child was wonderful and i'll never regret having that time off, lunching with my mummy friends, attending classes and playgroups and following the every movement of my baby with fascination. It was hard work staying at home all day, tiring and sometimes completely boring but at the same time 100% rewarding and challenging. I found a new inner domestic goddess - I washed and cleaned, I ironed and took the dry cleaning in. My husband enjoyed living the 1950's fantasty of dinner on the table when he came home from the office and clean pressed shirts. However it wasn't to last, in these harsh economic times every job is precious, and you work twice as hard for half the returns - and so now I leave my son for longer and work harder than I ever did before, and its hard.

The flip side of this extra work is I have never felt more energized and independant, I love what I do and I want to do it well, and I like having the challenge of being busy and getting the jobs done. I feel as though I am back to being me again, albeit a slightly newer model. My brain works on a daily basis and I can leave the house with only 1 bag everyday and in less than 5 mins. I relish the times I am away from my child as it gives me enough freedom that when I am with him I make the most of the time we have. I think having the space to breathe is making me a better photographer and a better businesswoman as I value my time better and am much more efficient. However, I miss my mummy friends and our support for each other thru motherhood, and I feel sad when I hear they are taking their kids to the museum on a Weds and I am out working and I feel that my son is missing out on this time with me and that he's more clingy as a result.

In many ways it might have been easier if I was one or the other, a clearly defined role, but I'm not. And now I've tasted the fruits of both sides and they both are sweet and so no matter where I am I fear the grass may always be greener for me.