Oh lord wont you buy me.....

My friends all have Porches and I must make amends........

Fog or Sun?

San Fran has incredibly unpredictable weather, so it can be really hard to plan for your shoots. what to wear? where to photograph? and the pressure of getting it perfect first time round can feel overwhelming.

That's why we say - relax, its only photography and if the weather isn't playing ball the first time around, well just try again. The perfect shot isn't something you can plan for - the best ones are always the spontaneous moments where awareness of the camera is at its lowest.

As for fog or sun? Who knows, we may get both! But either way we can make it work.

Constant Camera

Always carry your camera with you. Never miss another shot.

This cool T-shirt from Egg & Avocado is for Kids but I would love to see an adult version. Or maybe i'll just buy this for my son.

Does anyone have a camera????

You know the moment - its happened to all of us, you see the shot, its perfect, it feels like a Pulitzer prize winning moment and yet you don't have your camera on you, you miss the moment and life moves on.

As a photographer there's nothing more frustrating than missing the shot, knowing it was the one great image for the day - and its gone , never to be reclaimed again. I still have all those moments I missed stored in my head - usually I'm driving and cant stop, or someone else is driving & wont stop and its like slow motion as I cruise past - I can her my imaginary shutter clicking - snap snap snap and the shots unfold before my eyes only to disappear. And a feeling of utter helplessness enfolds you.

I still think about Antigua - As we drove past I saw local children singing on the steps of the school house in matching dresses - I can hear their voices and laughter to this day . I still see my friend throwing her head back in utter joy & laughter on her wedding day - me unable to capture that perfect moment of happiness as I was holding another friend's baby.

These ghost images haunt me and my work - It makes me vow to never be without a camera again, until I forget my vow and then I miss another great shot. And so the process begins again, and another great shot is committed to a dwindling memory....

There's a zombie in my place.

We're teething, and it hurts. Cant sleep in our own beds, and can only drift off when being held for hours at a time, rocking and shushing gently into slumber.

Then the sun comes up and everything is ok again. The night tooth monster has gone away.

4 hours of sleep and the alarm goes off, where am I , what happened? Have to work, feel dead, inside and out. Eyes burning with exhaustion. limbs heavy and uncoordinated.

There's a zombie in my place today.

SAHM v/s WM

I was in a unique position during the first year of my son's life in that I've had the chance to be both a Stay at Home mom (SAHM) and a Working Mother (WM). I don't sit in one camp or another because I am, and was, both, and its equally hard.

Working for yourself you can pick and choose your hours, work as little or as much as you like. I did this in the first few months of new motherhood and being able to take the time to get to know my child was wonderful and i'll never regret having that time off, lunching with my mummy friends, attending classes and playgroups and following the every movement of my baby with fascination. It was hard work staying at home all day, tiring and sometimes completely boring but at the same time 100% rewarding and challenging. I found a new inner domestic goddess - I washed and cleaned, I ironed and took the dry cleaning in. My husband enjoyed living the 1950's fantasty of dinner on the table when he came home from the office and clean pressed shirts. However it wasn't to last, in these harsh economic times every job is precious, and you work twice as hard for half the returns - and so now I leave my son for longer and work harder than I ever did before, and its hard.

The flip side of this extra work is I have never felt more energized and independant, I love what I do and I want to do it well, and I like having the challenge of being busy and getting the jobs done. I feel as though I am back to being me again, albeit a slightly newer model. My brain works on a daily basis and I can leave the house with only 1 bag everyday and in less than 5 mins. I relish the times I am away from my child as it gives me enough freedom that when I am with him I make the most of the time we have. I think having the space to breathe is making me a better photographer and a better businesswoman as I value my time better and am much more efficient. However, I miss my mummy friends and our support for each other thru motherhood, and I feel sad when I hear they are taking their kids to the museum on a Weds and I am out working and I feel that my son is missing out on this time with me and that he's more clingy as a result.

In many ways it might have been easier if I was one or the other, a clearly defined role, but I'm not. And now I've tasted the fruits of both sides and they both are sweet and so no matter where I am I fear the grass may always be greener for me.